A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
