I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
