Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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