awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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