I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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