All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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