But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
