i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
someone owes me an orgasm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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