i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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