Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
