My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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