Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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