CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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