We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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