forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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