the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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