I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
