I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
false alarm, still single
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
