i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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