Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
