Can i not drive my cunt home
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Your penis caused this!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
