So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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