he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
