Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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