But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
