Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
