The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
