I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
