dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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