I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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