She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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