She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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