Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
