I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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