A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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