I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
