it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
