After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
