so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
