Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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