it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
