Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
