hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
