is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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