I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think my moral compass just broke
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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