Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
