I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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