She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
wow bdsm is so cute
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
