I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
