Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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