Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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