So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
