just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
