She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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